New Research on the Role of Faith in Parenting

Ed Stetzer and LifeWay Research released some new research on the role of faith in parenting.  

One quote that struck me was...

"Among born-again Christians, 29 percent say faith is not among the most important influences on their parenting. Stetzer added, 'When self-identifying Christians are not able to say that faith is a priority for parenting, we should not be surprised at the prevalence of church drop outs in the younger generation.'"

You can read the rest here.

What age should parents speak to their child about sexual issues?

A Christian parent should be the first person to speak with their child about these issues. The best age to discuss these matters varies from child to child but if a parent is going to err, they should err on the side of bringing up the matter too soon rather than too late. Ensuring that the lines of communication are open and honest between a parent and child is paramount. A parent must vigilantly remain aware of the questions and curiosities of their child(ren) and speak with frank biblical wisdom like the dad in Proverbs. Lastly, a godly parent should never shame or embarrass their child while speaking on this subject, but treat them as an emerging fellow adult. As a general rule, the beginning of sexual dialogue with a child should begin at a very young age, concerning what is inappropriate touch to help prevent sexual abuse www.kidsneedtoknow.com, and grow to include romantic and other physical touch along with biological changes by age ten. Discussing how God created sex for a married man and woman, and the changes that God created our bodies to go through as we develop, can help them see sexuality as normal, safe, and beautiful inside the marriage covenant. If you are establishing a trust in God and the Word from an early age, they will more naturally trust your words as they align with the Bible. Sadly, the average boy sees his first Internet pornography by age eleven, which means waiting until later than age ten is often too late to establish a solid biblical foundation for sexuality because the first bricks are already laid by the world.

[Source]: Mission and Vision blog

Biblical Parenting Conference

Last month, Mars Hill Church Seattle hosted a Biblical Parenting Conference taught by Tedd Tripp, author of Shepherding a Child's Heart. Resurgence.com is providing the video of this conference to instruct all you parents out there. This stuff is priceless.

Media from the Conference

Session 1: The Call to Formative Instruction

• Listen to audio
• Watch video

Session 2: Giving Kids a Vision for God's Glory

• Listen to audio
• Watch video

Session 3: Helping Kids Understand Authority

• Listen to audio
• Watch video

Session 4: Helping Kids Understand the Heart

• Listen to audio
• Watch video

Session 5: Overview of Corrective Discipline

• Listen to audio
• Watch video

Training Up a Child (Part 11)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Eleventh, train them to a habit of always redeeming the time.

Idleness is the devil's best friend. It is the surest way to give him an opportunity of doing us harm. An idle mind is like an open door, and if Satan does not enter in himself by it, it is certain he will throw in something to raise bad thoughts in our souls.

No created being was ever meant to be idle. Service and work is the appointed portion of every creature of God. The angels in heaven work; they are the Lord's ministering servants, ever doing his will. Adam, in Paradise, had work: he was appointed to dress the garden of Eden and to keep it. The redeemed saints in glory will have work: “They rest not day and night singing praise and glory to Him who bought them.” And man*—weak, sinful man—must have something to do, or else his soul will soon get into an unhealthy state. We must have our hands filled and our minds occupied with something, or else our imaginations will soon ferment and breed mischief.

And what is true of us is true of our children too. Alas, indeed, for the man that has nothing to do! The Jews thought idleness a positive sin: it was a law of theirs that every man should bring up his son to some useful trade, and they were right. They knew the heart of man better than some of us appear to do.

Idleness made Sodom what she was: “This was the iniquity of thy sister Sodom, pride, fulness of bread, and abundance of idleness was in her” (Ezek 16:49). Idleness had much to do with David's awful sin with the wife of Uriah. I see in 2 Samuel 11 that Joab went out to war against Ammon, “but David tarried still at Jerusalem.” Was not that idle? And then it was that he saw Bathsheba—and the next step we read of is his tremendous and miserable fall.

Verily, I believe that idleness has led to more sin than almost any other habit that could be named. I suspect it is the mother of many a work of the flesh—the mother of adultery, fornication, drunkenness, and many other deeds of darkness that I have not time to name. Let your own conscience say whether I do not speak the truth. You were idle, and at once the devil knocked at the door and came in.

And indeed I do not wonder, everything in the world around us seems to teach the same lesson. It is the still water which becomes stagnant and impure; the running, moving streams are always clear. If you have steam machinery, you must work it, or it soon gets out of order. If you have a horse, you must exercise him; he is never so well as when he has regular work. If you would have good bodily health yourself, you must take exercise. If you always sit still, your body is sure at length to complain. And just so is it with the soul. The active moving mind is a hard mark for the devil to shoot at. Try to be always full of useful employment, and thus your enemy will find it difficult to get room to sow tares. Reader, I ask you to set these things before the minds of your children. Teach them the value of time, and try to make them learn the habit of using it well. It pains me to see children idling over what they have in hand, whatever it may be. I love to see them active and industrious, and giving their whole heart to all they do—giving their whole heart to lessons, when they have to learn—giving their whole heart even to their amusements, when they go to play.

But if you love them well, let idleness be counted a sin in your family.

[Source]: J.C. Ryle at Matthias Media

Training Up a Child (Part 10)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Tenth, train them to a habit of always speaking the truth.

Truth-speaking is far less common in the world than at first sight we are disposed to think. The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, is a golden rule which many would do well to bear in mind. Lying and prevarication are old sins. The devil was the father of them: he deceived Eve by a bold lie, and ever since the fall, it is a sin against which all the children of Eve have need to be on their guard.

Only think how much falsehood and deceit there is in the world! How much exaggeration! How many additions are made to a simple story! How many things left out, if it does not serve the speaker's interest to tell them! How few there are about us of whom we can say, we put unhesitating trust in their word! Verily the ancient Persians were wise in their generation: it was a leading point with them in educating their children that they should learn to speak the truth. What an awful proof it is of man's natural sinfulness that it should be needful to name such a point at all!

Reader, I would have you remark how often God is spoken of in the Old Testament as the God of truth. Truth seems to be especially set before us as a leading feature in the character of him with whom we have to do. He never swerves from the straight line. He abhors lying and hypocrisy. Try to keep this continually before your children's minds. Press upon them at all times that less than the truth is a lie; that evasion, excuse-making and exaggeration are all halfway houses towards what is false, and ought to be avoided. Encourage them in any circumstances to be straightforward and, whatever it may cost them, to speak the truth.

I press this subject on your attention not merely for the sake of your children's character in the world (though I might dwell much on this). I urge it rather for your own comfort and assistance in all your dealings with them. You will find it a mighty help indeed to be able always to trust their word. It will go far to prevent that habit of concealment which so unhappily prevails sometimes among children. Openness and straightforwardness depend much upon a parent's treatment of this matter in the days of our infancy.

[Source]: J.C. Ryle at Matthias Media

Training Up a Child (Part 9)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8

Ninth, train them to a habit of obedience.

This is an object which it is worth any labour to attain. No habit, I suspect, has such an influence over our lives as this. Parents, determine to make your children obey you, though it may cost you much trouble and cost them many tears. Let there be no questioning, reasoning, disputing, delaying and answering again. When you give them a command, let them see plainly that you will have it done.

Obedience is the only reality. It is faith visible, faith acting and faith incarnate. It is the test of real discipleship among the Lord's people. “Ye are My friends if ye do whatsoever I command you” (John 15:14). It ought to be the mark of well- trained children—that they do whatsoever their parents command them. Where, indeed, is the honour which the fifth commandment enjoins if fathers and mothers are not obeyed cheerfully, willingly, and at once?

Early obedience has all Scripture on its side. It is in Abraham's praise, not merely he will train his family, but “he will command his children, and his household after him” (Gen 18:19). It is said of the Lord Jesus Christ himself that when “He was young He was subject to Mary and Joseph” (Luke 2:51).

Observe how implicitly Joseph obeyed the order of his father Jacob (Gen 37:13). See how Isaiah speaks of it as an evil thing when “the child shall behave himself proudly against the ancient” (Isa 3:5). Mark how the Apostle Paul names disobedience to parents as one of the bad signs of the latter days (2 Tim 3:2). Mark how he singles out this grace of requiring obedience as one that should adorn a Christian minister: “a bishop must be one that ruleth well his own house, having his children in subjection with all gravity”. And again, “Let the deacons rule their children and their own houses well” (1 Tim 3:4,12). And again, an elder must be one “having faithful children, children not accused of riot, or unruly” (Titus 1:6).

Parents, do you wish to see your children happy? Take care, then, that you train them to obey when they are spoken to—to do as they are bid. Believe me, we are not made for entire independence; we are not fit for it. Even Christ's freemen have a yoke to wear: they “serve the Lord Christ” (Col 3:24). Children cannot learn too soon that this is a world in which we are not all intended to rule, and that we are never in our right place until we know how to obey our betters. Teach them to obey while young, or else they will be fretting against God all their lives long, and will wear themselves out with the vain idea of being independent of his control.

Reader, this hint is only too much needed. You will see many in this day who allow their children to choose and think for themselves long before they are able, and even make excuses for their disobedience, as if it were a thing not to be blamed. To my eyes, a parent always yielding and a child always having its own way are a most painful sight—painful, because I see God's appointed order of things inverted and turned upside down—painful, because I feel sure the consequence to that child's character in the end will be self-will, pride and self-conceit. You must not wonder that men refuse to obey their Father which is in heaven if you allow them, when children, to disobey their father who is upon earth.

Parents, if you love your children, let obedience be a motto and a watchword continually before their eyes.

Training Up a Child (Part 8)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Eighth, train them to a habit of faith.

I mean by this you should train them up to believe what you say. You should try to make them feel confidence in your judgement, and respect your opinions as better than their own. You should accustom them to think that, when you say a thing is bad for them, it must be bad, and when you say it is good for them, it must be good—that your knowledge, in short, is better than their own, and that they may rely implicitly on your word. Teach them to feel that what they know not now, they will probably know hereafter, and to be satisfied there is a reason and a needs-be for everything you require them to do.

Who indeed can describe the blessedness of a real spirit of faith? Or rather, who can tell the misery that unbelief has brought upon the world? Unbelief made Eve eat the forbidden fruit: she doubted the truth of God's word: “Ye shall surely die”. Unbelief made the old world reject Noah's warning and so perish in sin. Unbelief kept Israel in the wilderness: it was the bar that kept them from entering the promised land. Unbelief made the Jews crucify the Lord of glory: they believed not the voice of Moses and the prophets, though read to them every day. And unbelief is the reigning sin of man's heart down to this very hour—unbelief in God's promises—unbelief in God's threatenings—unbelief in our own sinfulness—unbelief in our own danger—unbelief in everything that runs counter to the pride and worldliness of our evil hearts. Reader, you train your children to little purpose if you do not train them to a habit of implicit faith—faith in their parents' word, confidence that what their parents say must be right.

I have heard it said by some that you should require nothing of children which they cannot understand—that you should explain and give a reason for everything you desire them to do. I warn you solemnly against such a notion. I tell you plainly I think it an unsound and rotten principle. No doubt it is absurd to make a mystery of everything you do, and there are many things which it is well to explain to children in order that they may see that they are reasonable and wise. But to bring them up with the idea that they must take nothing on trust—that they, with their weak and imperfect understandings, must have the ‘why’ and the ‘wherefore’ made clear to them at every step they take—this is indeed a fearful mistake and likely to have the worst effect on their minds.

Reason with your child if you are so disposed, at certain times, but never forget to keep him in mind (if you really love him) that he is but a child after all—that he thinks as a child, he understands as a child, and therefore must not expect to know the reason of everything at once.

Set before him the example of Isaac in the day when Abraham took him to offer him on Mount Moriah (Gen 22). He asked his father that single question: “Where is the lamb for a burnt-offering?” and he got no answer but this: “God will provide Himself a lamb.” How, or where, or whence, or in what manner, or by what means—all this Isaac was not told, but the answer was enough. He believed that it would be well because his father said so, and he was content. Tell your children, too, that we must all be learners in our beginnings—that there is an alphabet to be mastered in every kind of knowledge—that the best horse in the world had need once to be broken—that a day will come when they will see the wisdom of all your training. But in the meantime, if you say a thing is right, it must be enough for them; they must believe you and be content.

Parents, if any point in training is important, it is this. I charge you by the affection you have to your children, use every means to train them up to a habit of faith.

Training Up a Child (Part 7)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6

Seventh, train them to habits of diligence and regularity about public means of grace.

Tell them of the duty and privilege of going to the house of God and joining in the prayers of the congregation. Tell them that wherever the Lord's people are gathered together, there the Lord Jesus is present in an especial manner, and that those who absent themselves must expect, like the Apostle Thomas, to miss a blessing. Tell them of the importance of hearing the Word preached, and that it is God's ordinance for converting, sanctifying and building up the souls of men. Tell them how the Apostle Paul enjoins us not “to forsake the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is” (Heb 10:25), but to exhort one another, to stir one another up to it, and so much the more as we see the day approaching.

I call it a sad sight in a church when nobody comes up to the Lord's table but the elderly people, and the young men and the young women all turn away. But I call it a sadder sight still when no children are to be seen in a church, excepting those who come to the Sunday School and who are obliged to attend. Let none of this guilt lie at your doors. There are many boys and girls in every parish, besides those who come to school, and you who are their parents and friends should see to it that they come with you to church.

Do not allow them to grow up with a habit of making vain excuses for not coming. Give them plainly to understand that so long as they are under your roof, it is the rule of your house for everyone in health to honour the Lord's house upon the Lord's day, and that you reckon the Sabbath-breaker to be a murderer of his own soul.

See to it, too, if it can be so arranged, that your children go with you to church and sit near you when they are there. To go to church is one thing, but to behave well at church is quite another. And believe me, there is no security for good behaviour like that of having them under your own eye.

The minds of young people are easily drawn aside, and their attention lost. Every possible means should be used to counteract this. I do not like to see them coming to church by themselves; they often get into bad company by the way, and so learn more evil on the Lord's day than in all the rest of the week. Neither do I like to see what I call ‘a young people's corner’ in a church. They often catch habits of inattention and irreverence there which it takes years to unlearn, if ever they are unlearned at all. What I like to see is a whole family sitting together, old and young, side by side—men, women, and children, serving God according to their households.

But there are some who say that it is useless to urge children to attend means of grace, because they cannot understand them.

I would not have you listen to such reasoning. I find no such doctrine in the Old Testament. When Moses goes before Pharaoh (Exod 10:9), I observe he says, “We will go with our young and with our old, with our sons and with our daughters: for we must hold a feast unto the Lord.” When Joshua read the law (Josh 8:35), I observe, “There was not a word which Joshua read not before all the congregation of Israel, with the women and the little ones, and the strangers that were conversant among them.” “Thrice in the year,” says Exodus 34:23, “shall all your men-children appear before the Lord God, the God of Israel”. And when I turn to the New Testament, I find children mentioned there as partaking in public acts of religion as well as in the Old. When Paul was leaving the disciples at Tyre for the last time, I find it said (Acts 21:5), “They all brought us on our way, with wives and children, till we were out of the city: and we kneeled down on the shore, and prayed.”

Samuel, in the days of his childhood, appears to have ministered unto the Lord some time before he really knew Him: “Samuel did not yet know the Lord, neither was the word of the Lord yet revealed unto him” (1 Sam 3:7). The apostles themselves do not seem to have understood all that our Lord said at the time that it was spoken: “These things understood not His disciples at the first: but when Jesus was glorified, then remembered they that these things were written of Him” (John 12:16).

Parents, comfort your minds with these examples. Be not cast down because your children see not the full value of the means of grace now. Only train them up to a habit of regular attendance. Set it before their minds as a high, holy, and solemn duty and, believe me, the day will very likely come when they will bless you for your deed.

[Source]: J.C. Ryle at Matthias Media

Training Up a Child (Part 6)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5

Sixth, train them to a habit of prayer.

Prayer is the very life-breath of true religion. It is one of the first evidences that a man is born again. “Behold,” said the Lord of Saul, in the day he sent Ananias to him, “Behold, he prayeth” (Acts 9:11). He had begun to pray and that was proof enough.

Prayer was the distinguishing mark of the Lord's people in the day that there began to be a separation between them and the world: “Then began men to call upon the name of the Lord” (Gen 4:26).

Prayer is the peculiarity of all real Christians now. They pray for they tell God their wants, their feelings, their desires, their fears, and mean what they say. The nominal Christian may repeat prayers—and good prayers too—but he goes no further.

Prayer is the turning-point in a man's soul. Our ministry is unprofitable and our labour is vain till you are brought to your knees. Till then, we have no hope about you.

Prayer is one great secret of spiritual prosperity. When there is much private communion with God, your soul will grow like the grass after rain; when there is little, all will be at a standstill: you will barely keep your soul alive. Show me a growing Christian—a going forward Christian, a strong Christian, a flourishing Christian—and, sure am I, he is one that speaks often with his Lord. He asks much and he has much. He tells Jesus everything, and so he always knows how to act.

Prayer is the mightiest engine God has placed in our hands. It is the best weapon to use in every difficulty and the surest remedy in every trouble. It is the key that unlocks the treasury of promises, and the hand that draws forth grace and help in time of need. It is the silver trumpet God commands us to sound in all our necessity, and it is the cry he has promised always to attend to, even as a loving mother to the voice of her child.

Prayer is the simplest means that man can use in coming to God. It is within reach of all—the sick, the aged, the infirm, the paralytic, the blind, the poor, the unlearned—all can pray. It avails you nothing to plead want of memory, want of learning, want of books and want of scholarship in this matter. So long as you have a tongue to tell your soul's state, you may and ought to pray. Those words, “Ye have not, because ye ask not” (Jas 4:2), will be a fearful condemnation to many in the day of judgement.

Parents, if you love your children, do all that lies in your power to train them up to a habit of prayer. Show them how to begin. Tell them what to say. Encourage them to persevere. Remind them if they become careless and slack about it. Let it not be your fault, at any rate, if they never call on the name of the Lord. This, remember, is the first step in religion which a child is able to take. Long before he can read, you can teach him to kneel by his mother's side, and repeat the simple words of prayer and praise which she puts in his mouth. And as the first steps in any undertaking are always the most important, so is the manner in which your children's prayers are prayed, a point which deserves your closest attention. Few seem to know how much depends on this. You must beware lest they get into a way of saying them in a hasty, careless, and irreverent manner.

You must beware of giving up the oversight of this matter to servants and nurses, or of trusting too much to your children doing it when left to themselves. I cannot praise that mother who never looks after this most important part of her child's daily life herself. Surely if there be any habit which your own hand and eye should help in forming, it is the habit of prayer. Believe me, if you never hear your children pray yourself, you are much to blame. You are little wiser than the bird described in Job, “which leaveth her eggs in the earth, and warmeth them in the dust, and forgetteth that the foot may crush them, or that the wild beast may break them. She is hardened against her young ones, as though they were not hers: her labour is in vain without fear” (Job 39:14-16).

Prayer is, of all habits, the one which we recollect the longest. Many a grey-headed man could tell you how his mother used to make him pray in the days of his childhood. Other things have passed away from his mind perhaps. The church where he was taken to worship, the minister whom he heard preach, the companions who used to play with him—all these, it may be, have passed from his memory and left no mark behind. But you will often find it is far different with his first prayers. He will often be able to tell you where he knelt, what he was taught to say and even how his mother looked all the while. It will come up as fresh before his mind's eye as if it was but yesterday.

Reader, if you love your children, I charge you, do not let the seed-time of a prayerful habit pass away unimproved. If you train your children to anything, train them, at least, to a habit of prayer.

[Source]: J.C. Ryle at Matthias Media

Training Up a Child (Part 5)

“Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” (Prov 22:6)

Read Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Fifth, train your child to a knowledge of the Bible

You cannot make your children love the Bible, I allow. None but the Holy Ghost can give us a heart to delight in the Word. But you can make your children acquainted with the Bible, and be sure they cannot be acquainted with that blessed book too soon, or too well.

A thorough knowledge of the Bible is the foundation of all clear views of religion. He that is well-grounded in it will not generally be found a waverer and carried about by every wind of new doctrine. Any system of training which does not make a knowledge of Scripture the first thing is unsafe and unsound. You have need to be careful on this point just now, for the devil is abroad and error abounds. Some are to be found amongst us who give the church the honour due to Jesus Christ. Some are to be found who make the sacraments saviours and passports to eternal life. And some are to be found in like manner who honour a catechism more than the Bible, or fill the minds of their children with miserable little storybooks, instead of the Scripture of truth. But if you love your children, let the simple Bible be everything in the training of their souls, and let all other books go down and take the second place. Care not so much for their being mighty in the catechism as for their being mighty in the Scriptures. This is the training, believe me, that God will honour. The Psalmist says of him, “Thou hast magnified Thy Word above all Thy name” (Ps 138:2), and I think that he gives an especial blessing to all who try to magnify it among men.

See that your children read the Bible reverently. Train them to look on it not as the word of men, but as it is in truth, the word of God, written by the Holy Ghost himself—all true, all profitable and able to make us wise unto salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.

See that they read it regularly. Train them to regard it as their soul's daily food—as a thing essential to their soul's daily health. I know well you can not make this anything more than a form, but there is no telling the amount of sin which a mere form may indirectly restrain.

See that they read it all. You need not shrink from bringing any doctrine before them. You need not fancy that the leading doctrines of Christianity are things which children cannot understand. Children understand far more of the Bible than we are apt to suppose.

Tell them of sin, its guilt, its consequences, its power, its vileness. You will find they can comprehend something of this.

Tell them of the Lord Jesus Christ and his work for our salvation—the atonement, the cross, the blood, the sacrifice, the intercession. You will discover there is something not beyond them in all this.

Tell them of the work of the Holy Spirit in man's heart—how he changes and renews and sanctifies and purifies. You will soon see they can go along with you in some measure in this. In short, I suspect we have no idea how much a little child can take in of the length and breadth of the glorious gospel. They see far more of these things than we suppose.3

Fill their minds with Scripture. Let the Word dwell in them richly. Give them the Bible—the whole Bible—even while they are young.

[Source]: J.C. Ryle at Matthias Media